National Children of Alcoholics Week: Feb 9 – 14th

COSA-girlI received the NCCA (National Catholic Council on Addictions) newsletter and was reminded that this is National Children of Alcoholics Week!  It’s celebrated each year on Valentine’s Day and throughout the month.  The organization that spearheads this effort is the National Association for Children of Alcoholics (nacoa.org). Estimates show that one in four children in the United States (about 27.8 million) are affected by or exposed to a family alcohol problem.

Children living with addiction in their family need the support of caring adults.  They need to know it’s not their fault that a parent is alcoholic or drug addicted. They need to hear the message, “It’s a disease; it is not your fault, and there are safe people who can help.” All too often it’s the children who are hurt the most when the parents are addicted.

ugh—this always gets to me, talking about the children, MY children. My boys are now in middle school and have suffered through my periods of sobriety and subsequent relapses.  It breaks my heart to think about how I have hurt my own children who I love more than life itself. I was told I was selfish. I was told I was hurting them. I was told if drink again I was a neglectful mom. Yet, drink again I did! Why? How?  It’s crazy. It’s insane.  But I swear it is not because I didn’t love my boys. I promise you this.  I can’t even go so far as to say it’s because I was “selfish.”  Was I?

I did at one time choose alcohol despite knowing logically how my drinking was negatively affecting my family.  But knowing something “logically” I have found for me doesn’t keep me sober.  Addiction is not a logical disease.  Logically, I’ve known I was an alcoholic for many, many years.  But something in my brain would tell me it wasn’t that bad, that I would “quit tomorrow,” that I’m right here for my boys, etc.  Oh well, I’ll never understand it.

An alcoholic mother —- who loves her children more than life itself — is not helped by being told she is neglectful and a bad mother.  She already believes that.  Shame never got me sober. Shame actually kept me drunk.  Here is an article in TIME by Maia Szalavitz about how shaming does not work with alcoholics, how it actually leads to relapse. 

Here is another article about shame and the alcoholic.  And another.  And another.

So, even though shaming an alcoholic parent is not going to get her sober, it is of course still critical that she DOES GET SOBER. Here is an article that talks about how children who grow up with addicted parents suffer “pain and anger.” 

This is true, guys. Once when I was drinking and helping my son with his homework — I was a little too boisterous and happy.  I wasn’t falling down drunk or anything but I had a good buzz on.  Dinner was on the stove and Son 1 needed homework help.  I noticed my son got really quiet — withdrawn – while I continued to tell him how to do his work.  I realized he was bothered that I was drinking and didn’t like my personality change.  I’m intuitive like this when it comes to my children, even when I am drinking.

So, I left him alone and went back to cooking dinner. I wrote him a note, though and passed it to him. My note said:

How does my drinking make you feel?
1.
2.
3.

And he filled it in right away:

1. mad
2. sad
3. I don’t believe you that you will ever stop because you never do.

And that was that.  I stopped.  I even poured out the drink I had in my hand.  And haven’t had a drink since, by the grace of God.

But do you see in his answers how true it is that children of alcoholics suffer “pain and anger?”  mad (anger), sad (pain).  😦

Sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.  This is Children of Alcoholics Week!  Back to this.  What can we do to honor this week?  I can write about it, like I am.  Encourage others to contemplate the effects addiction has on children in the family.  Help others who are addicted parents get the help they need.  Reach out to children of addicted parents and offer them love and support, a friendly face to talk to.

I can’t write about this anymore 😦   —  the shame is still too great.  Here is what I wrote last year during Children of Alcoholics Week.  And I will reblog the whole article, too, because it’s better than this one ha!

Father Emmerich’s 12 Step Review new issue Out!

photo 1And this one is a doozy.  Anger and Fear. Man oh man how anger and fear drive the alcoholic into our cups. I am one to think I am never angry. I don’t even hardly ever feel angry. Cut me off in traffic? Oh, you’re probably on your way to an emergency. Cancel your ad at the last minute? Crap. But I get it. Things come up.

But when Fr Emmerich talks about Saint Thomas Aquinas (whom is awesome) take on anger: ” St Thomas Aquinas teaches that one can sin with regard to anger in two ways, by excess or by defect: by excess when we act out of the anger in a sinful way; by defect when we stuff the anger and become depressed instead of allowing the anger to express itself in a good and holy way.”

I’m a stuffer.

I cringe and get annoyed by those who express anger “by excess!” Those who go crazy, cuzz, freak out and make a scene causing everybody to feel so uncomfortable— aka my husband 🙂

But I’ve learned in recovery this is such a true Truth: “You spot it you got it.”  So, if I spot this awfulness expression of anger by excess do I have this in ME?  oh my goodness grose!  Please God no. I don’t have this awful anger thing, right?

Right?  Wrong.  I have what Saint Thomas Aquinas describes as anger “by defect,” where I stuff it and get depressed.  So, I can be all high and mighty that I’m not an “angry” person but damn straight I actually am.  I just handle my anger differently. I stuff it and deny it.  Either way, the sin is just as bad.

To see all of Father Emmerich’s 12 STep newsletters, check out www.12-step-review.org

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Guilty! Abortion “Doctor” Guilty of Murdering Babies and An Immigrant Woman

Will anything convince you that you've been sold a lie when it comes to abortion "rights?"

Will anything convince you that you’ve been sold a lie when it comes to abortion “rights?”

If this had been an upper or middle-class neighborhood, the media would have sensationalized this trial like they do every other high-profile gruesome trial in this country. But they had to protect their carefully crafted definition of abortion as “healthcare” so they ignored the story.

And because these crimes were perpetrated only on poor women and their babies, they were able to ignore the story for two years because nobody cared, right? It’s malpractice journalism. But they get away with it.  Thank goodness for blogs and social media!

Justice for a few of these underprivileged women and these babies today when Kermit Gosnell was convicted of the murders of three babies and one poor immigrant woman.  Sad that there were hundreds (or thousands?) more that will not receive recognition and justice.

A fantastic organization, Susan B. Anthony List, reacted to the verdict as well on Monday:

“The greatest tragedy is that Kermit Gosnell is not alone. Exploitation of women and complete disregard for their health and well-being are problems endemic to the entire abortion industry,” said SBA List President Marjorie Dannenfelser. “There are numerous examples of negligence and even death in abortion facilities across the country. Now is the moment to realize that abortion is neither safe, nor rare. Abortion is a brutal, painful procedure, both for the child that it kills and the woman who it wounds. We must protect children both inside and outside the womb who experience unspeakable pain from abortion.”

Here is a portion of the AP story, in case you, too never heard of this trial:

Former clinic employees testified that Gosnell routinely performed illegal  late-term abortions past Pennsylvania’s 24-week limit, that he delivered babies  who were still moving, whimpering or breathing, and that he and his assistants  “snipped” the newborns’ spines, as he referred to it.

The grisly details came out more than two years ago during an investigation  of prescription drug trafficking at Gosnell’s clinic in an impoverished section  of West Philadelphia.

Authorities said the clinic was a foul-smelling “house of horrors” with bags  and bottles of stored fetuses, including jars of severed feet, along with  bloodstained furniture, dirty medical instruments, and cats roaming the  premises.

Four former clinic employees have pleaded guilty to murder and four more to other charges. They include Gosnell’s wife, Pearl, a cosmetologist who helped  perform abortions.

Midway through the six-week trial, the public accused the  mainstream media of ignoring the case because it reflected badly on the abortion  rights cause. Major news organizations denied the allegation, though a number  promptly sent reporters to cover the trial.

After prosecutors rested their case, Common Pleas Judge Jeffrey Minehart  threw out for lack of evidence three of seven murder counts involving aborted  babies. That left the jury to weigh charges involving fetuses identified as  Baby A, Baby C, Baby D and Baby E.

Prosecution experts said one was nearly 30 weeks along when it was aborted,  and it was so big that Gosnell allegedly joked it could “walk to the bus.” A  second fetus was said to be alive for some 20 minutes before a clinic worker  snipped its neck. A third was born in a toilet and was moving before another  clinic employee grabbed it and severed its spinal cord, according to testimony.  Baby E let out a soft whimper before Gosnell cut its neck, the jury was told;  Gosnell was acquitted in that baby’s death.

Gosnell’s attorney, Jack McMahon, argued that none of the fetuses was born  alive and that any movements were posthumous twitching or spasms.

He also contended that the 2009 death of 41-year-old Karnamaya Mongar of  Woodbridge, Va., a Bhutanese immigrant who had been given repeated doses of  Demerol and other powerful drugs to sedate her and induce labor, was caused by  unforeseen complications.

Prosecutors described Gosnell’s employees as nearly as desperate as the  patients. Some had little or no medical training, and at least one was a  teenager still in high school. One woman needed the work to support her children  after her husband’s murder.

Stephen Massof, an unlicensed medical school graduate who could not find a  residency, told jurors that Gosnell taught him how to snip babies’ spines,  something he then did at least 100 times at the clinic.

Read more:  HERE