Mother Theresa’s Meditation: “I Thirst”

love this

Catholic Alcoholic

My Mom gave me this. It’s a meditation Mother Theresa wrote as if Jesus was speaking directly to her.  I am putting it here on my blog because I love it and will refer back to it often.  I wanted to share this with others who might like it as much as I do.  I love prayers and meditations that are written as if Jesus is talking directly to me.  That’s how my favorite My Daily Bread book is written.  So is the Cloud of the Unknowing, which I love.  Also, the Imitation of Christ.  LOVE.

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“Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and eat with him, and he with Me.” (Rev 3:20)

mother teresaIt is true. I stand at the door of your heart, day and night. Even when you are…

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searching

hippoThe other day on the drive home from school, my younger son said hippos were one of the most dangerous land animals on the planet.

I was incredulous, “What?! Hippos?! No way. Hippos are those cute fat animals that splash around and play with their young.”

The most logical next step of any modern family disagreement was to, “Google it.”  So, we Googled it. And he was right. In fact, hippos are actually pretty darn aggressive. I gave him a dollar.

Laughing, my oldest son asked how old I was when I started using the internet. He looked stunned when I told him I was 25.  It was one of those, “I had to WALK FIVE MILES to school in 8 FEET OF SNOW,” conversations we have with our kids to let them know how easy they have it compared to, “When I was your age!”

I told him if we wanted to find out about hippos, we’d have to get our parents to take us to the library, hope the specific volume of encyclopedia wasn’t already in use, and look up hippopotamuses…then find the specific section and passage which mentioned their temperaments. We’d have to take notes if we wanted to take the information home with us because we weren’t allowed to check out reference books.

By the look on his face, I think he actually felt sorry for me. (Mission accomplished, ha!)

What’s my point? Sometimes I annoy myself because I take way too long to get to my point when i write. SEARCHING. Searching is my point. We are all searching for answers…either to academic questions, trivia, lyrics to our favorite songs, or the meaning of the universe. So, we Google it. 

Since I hadn’t blogged in such a long time, I checked the stats on the backend. Even when I wasn’t posting anything, I had thousands of visitors per month coming to my blog. WTF? So, I dug deeper. WordPress gives us the exact “search terms” that are most often used to find us.

Here they are…this is what people are SEARCHING for when they find Catholic Alcoholic through Google:

  • catholic alcoholic
  • alcoholic from a catholic perspective
  • patron saints for alcoholics
  • prayer for alcoholic
  • my husband is an alcoholic, catholic view
  • stop drinking catholic
  • catholic aa
  • help for catholic to stop drinking
  • catholic and can’t do aa
  • is there something other than aa for catholic alcoholic
  • alcoholism catholic view
  • prayers for my son alcoholic
  • catholic addiction recovery
  • catholic alternatives to aa

So, there you have it. We’re all searching. Searching for something, whether it’s why hippos are so angry all the time, what time is the Braves game tonight, or help me I’m Catholic and can’t stop drinking…. We don’t have to call a hotline and speak with anybody. We can do an anonymous Google search to hopefully find what we’re looking for.

Fortunately, questions about hippos have easy, definitive answers. Deeper questions, those that relate to recovery from alcoholism or helping a loved one with an addiction…those answers aren’t solved by Googling. Wouldn’t that be great, tho? If there was ONE right answer.

This blog post is sort of making me sad. I have no answers. I guess all I’d say is never give up, never stop searching. Giving up is NOT an option. Keep trying. Each day is a new beginning. Who CARES what “they” say? You’re worth it. Keep searching.

AA is a big part of my recovery equation. But don’t feel hopeless if you can’t do AA. Please. Keep searching. I can see from these search terms that there are thousands of alcoholics that really want help but can’t do AA. I get it. You are NOT ALONE. I’m not here to sell anybody on my way. One of my dear friends has been sober three years by daily recitation of the Rosary. Another by daily Mass and a commitment to weekly Reconciliation. I wish that was my story. I need all the help I can get. So that’s sort of why I started this blog to begin with…because I felt strange…i needed a Catholic slant to my recovery. I just did. It’s who I am. So, anyways, good night. This post isn’t making sense even to me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

well, mercy me

18763MercyHeroWell, mercy me!

I heart mercy.

Pope Francis established this Jubilee Year of Mercy—and I am thrilled. “Mercy” is one of my most favorite words, a borrowed word in English derived from the Old French word “merci,” which derives from the Medieval Latin word “merces,” meaning to pay, to recompense, or to hire.

I prefer mercy over justice all day long. Justice is like tough love. Ugh. No me gusta tough love. From what I’ve read, tough love has been the most practiced way to deal with alcoholics and addicts dating back to Nancy Reagan’s, “War on Drugs.”

Ostracize, abandon, “don’t enable!”, give up on, don’t help, let them help themselves, shun, shame, avoid, forced rehab, jail-time, unfriend, roll your eyes, look down on, judge, etc… tough love. The theory is then, and only then, the alcoholic/addict will start helping themselves. (hogwash)

Prior to THAT, I think we were mainly handled with PITY. Poor you. Sucks to be you. Glad it’s you, not me. I will pray for you. Go to AA and don’t tell me anything about it. I don’t wanna know.

And, prior to that, pre-AA, with EXASPERATION and hospitalization– psych hospitals. The odds of an alcoholic sobering up were so bad, that loved ones would lock us up– either in jails or psych wards. I have a good friend whose mother died in an insane asylum in Milledgeville, Georgia because she was an alcoholic and deemed “insane.”  While it is insane to continue drinking despite all of the consequences we inflict on ourselves and others, the sanity returns once the alcohol or drug is removed. But these types of hospitals will turn us into crazy people. I’m terrified to ever go back to one.

Now, thankfully, the tides are changing so therapists and the recovery community are starting to deal with alcoholics and addicts with MERCY (and medicine).  Not “ignorant/sunny skies mercy,” but REAL mercy. Mercy which can only be offered by a few in an alcoholic’s circle…those closest to her…in order for it to be received. That’s when the mercy has impact.

Jesus said, “Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy.” This means to obtain mercy, we must BE merciful. We receive mercy by giving mercy to others.  And the more mercy we receive, the more mercy we give! It’s a beautiful circle.

The Urban Dictionary defines, “Well, mercy me,” as meaning: “Well, I’ll be damned, wow!” A surprised kind of thing. ha. Urban dictionary, my friends is tongue in cheek so don’t freak out. I’ll be damned is just part of our lexicon.  But “mercy” is a surprising, humble sort of gift. “Wow. Thanks. I didn’t expect or deserve that. Thanks so much.” The kind of gift that changes hearts over time.

I felt mercy through my Mom. That’s probably why it’s easier for me to accept God’s mercy. Mercy is unconditional love, no matter what—the way we love our own children—the prodigal son is still welcomed back into the fold and thrown a party. (no alcohol served at this party, tho.)

Last month my sister gave me the book, Beautiful Mercy, by the organization Dynamic Catholic. The sub-title is, “Experiencing God’s Unconditional Love So We Can Share It With Others.”  The book claims (and I tend to agree!) it is the “perfect companion for the Year of Mercy.”

I’ll add that IMHO I believe people who offer the most mercy are people who have a sense they have received a lot of mercy. People who are very grounded in humility, in who they truly are at the foot of the cross.

If I had been dealt with by JUSTICE then I’d be dead, in jail or in a mental institution. I’m not saying that to be funny. I’m saying that because I have DUIs and should be dead or harmed others on the road and been jailed…the crazy things I did while under the influence and the effect of alcohol on my brain should have landed me in a psych ward long-term. So, MERCY is awesome. Please keep it coming. And offer it lavishly to others. You just may need it yourself one day.

i am truly shocked

1391840837323789383shocked-face-mdNow I’m back to blogging I was trolling around eating up all the recovery blogs out there again. I came across a site The Recovery Revolution which led me to After Party Magazine which led me to their post “The 20 Best Recovery Blogs,” which I started to read and follow/subscribe to all of them…

and then I got to #20 on the list and i got chills.  How stupid is that ha! chills, but seriously i did.

The girl (Danielle Stewart) put MY BLOG as #20.  Ok. I’m done writing for today. Seriously, not in league with the other 19, but going through the rest of the day on a pink cloud fer shurr. Holy crap.

This is what they said about my blog:

20) Catholic Alcoholic

Although Catholic Alkie herself hasn’t posted since June, I had to include her on this list because she is seriously hilarious. Having grown up in Boston, America’s birthplace of Catholicism and alcoholism, I find it refreshing to hear from a practicing Catholic who doesn’t feel that drinking until she pisses her pants is part of her religion. Although she is a proud Southerner, the sharp wit of the Northeast Catholics (usually Irish) I have known isn’t lost on Regina, as her posts are a somewhat perfect balance of sincerity and humor. Case in point, her tagline boasts, “4 out of 5 of her personalities recommend this blog.” Catch my drift? This site is an excellent resource for recovering alcoholics who are also practicing Catholics or perhaps Jews like me who aren’t bothered by her constant quoting of the Bible or the fact that she happens to be pro-life.

mellow is fine

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I need to reprogram my brain to like mellow/peace/fine again. I used to prefer that state of mind, but now I crave the crazy. I guess not the “crazy,” per se, but the “fun.” I guess it’s not really “fun” exactly. ha. I don’t know what it is, but mellow is what I’m feeling today; and mellow SHOULD BE a pretty darn desirable way to live the rest of my life.

My desires/instincts are out of whack from the days of drinking and focusing on my own self.

So, let’s meditate with the Rosary and my favorite, “The Memorare,” and get used to this sober state of mind.

KISS by Prince just came up on my playlist and i didn’t automatically start dancing, like I normally would.

I hope the dancing will come back soon. I like to dance—but only when I’m by myself, alone in my apartment or in the car. ha. No! I also always dance when I’m around my boys. They make me happy, and i feel like dancing when I’m with them. But that bugs them. Teenage boys aren’t too thrilled when their middle-aged mom does the PUT YOUR HANDS UP DANCE in the car…

I guess I actually am sort of bouncing a little bit in this chair.

There’s hope!

Friday, May 13, 2016

Living Sober through the Psalms

SOBER THOUGHT OF THE DAY
“Waking up sober is a good day. I love being able to wake up and do positive things, to go to the gym.”
Rodney King

PSALM OF THE DAY
PS 103:1-2, 11-12, 19-20AB
R. (19a) The Lord has established his throne in heaven.
Bless the LORD, O my soul;
and all my being, bless his holy name.
Bless the LORD, O my soul,
and forget not all his benefits.
R. The Lord has established his throne in heaven.
For as the heavens are high above the earth,
so surpassing is his kindness toward those who fear him.
As far as the east is from the west,
so far has he put our transgressions from us.
R. The Lord has established his throne in heaven.
The LORD has established his throne in heaven,
and his kingdom rules over all.
Bless the LORD, all you his angels,

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