This morning I was perusing a few of my favorite morning prayer books for inspiration. With the cold and the rain and other stuff, my mood–I admit even though it’s Christmas Eve!–is a little blah. The “whys” of my blah are not important, but they are there. What is important is what I hear in meetings: stay in the solution.
Staying in the solution I wandered through Magnificat and stumbled on an article by Heather King. Her name sounded familiar–so I grabbed my journal and opened it to a page I had torn and saved from the November issue, another article by Heather King.
I had torn and kept this article for two reasons. One, it was refreshing that Magnificat had chosen an essay by a “regular” person and not some professor of this or that big wig Catholic theologian. Two, because she talked about being sober in it.
The article today was about Christmas, and I liked it. The article I’d saved from last month was about Zaccheaus grace. I loved it. “Zacchaeus, the puny publican who climbed the sycamore to get a glimpse of Jesus (LK 19:1-10): willing to make a fool out of myself, to be enthusiastic.” Other parts I’d underlined from King’s essay on Zacchaeus were, “I’ll live in a whole different way. I’ll quit the job I hate and, though scared senseless, start doing the work I’ve wanted to do my whole life.”
I was happy that Magnificat published the name of Heather’s blog this time. I checked it out and am now following it.
Serendipity is a grace. And as I contemplate this coming out as an alcoholic with this blog I second guess myself, going back and forth making my blog private and then making it public. The people who MATTER in my life love that I’m sober. The people who don’t matter in my life can think what they want; and its none of my business. And then there’s the people who matter in my life that think it’s not proper or ladylike or respectable to put myself out there like this, all vulnerable and raw. But if this is what God wants me to do (is it?) then I’ll be like Zacchaeus and be “willing to make a fool out of myself.”
Seeing Heather King’s writings in Magnificat, discovering she is publicly sober and uses her experiences to write and speak and help others–this gives me courage to keep my blog public, for now. Thank you God. You’re the best. XO