Starting the 4th, Again

I met with my sponsor Friday night at Starbucks. We were going to quickly go over my resentment list and then go to a meeting. Well, she ended up telling me a long story, part of her story, and we skipped the meeting and chatted it up for over 2 hours.

My sponsor went through the instructions for the 4th Step with me. I’ve been sober now for almost 2 years minus 5 hours. I did a 4th Step last year with my old sponsor. She was really great and helped me see some of my “character defects”; but I realize now we didn’t really do the full step. My old sponsor I would describe as “laissez faire” (did I spell that right?), casual. This was exactly what I needed at the time. She was really great and spent a lot of her time with me that I am grateful for.

Now, after a 5 hour slip in June :), I realize that I need a little more structure to my 12 Step life. I was aching for the Sacrament of Reconciliation and felt like jumping deeper into the steps would help me improve on my Examination of Conscience. From what I can tell, I was right! Meeting with my new sponsor Friday helped me see how our instincts are God-given, necessary and right. It’s only when we “mis-direct” our God-given instincts beyond what God intended when we get into trouble.

My homework is to read the 4th Step chapter (and the last few pages of Step 3 in the 12 and 12); and then start filling out the first three columns of the 4th Step Worksheet she gave me. Once I finish that, she and I will get together for Adoration, praying God reveals to me what He wants me to know about myself. Then she’ll take me through the next 2 columns. After this process, we’ll do it all again with “fears,” then “guilt/shame/remorse,” and then finally with “sex.”

I’m not going to take too long to do all this. I’m not going to rush it either.

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